It’s rare to fully end a relationship if you have children together. You will still see each other through them, so the ‘parenting relationship’ will still continue. Other situations such as living together can also drag the process out, making it harder for both parties. Some people say that separation from a long-term relationship is one of the toughest experiences to deal with. It can be difficult to simply ‘move on’. This is where separation or divorce counselling can really help.
Here are some of the topics that can be discussed in a divorce or separation counselling session:
If children are involved
Separation can affect children in a multitude of ways, but it’s not always obvious, even to you, the parent. So how do you keep your child up to date without hurting their feelings?
Try to put yourself in their shoes – it’s a traumatic event. An ideal world for them is both of their parents living together in a happy marriage. It’s very difficult to separate the unhappiness from a failing relationship from the happiness of your children. The impact on the children can be reduced, however, by separating peacefully, which can be helped with counselling. If you cooperate when sorting out the finances, living arrangements and other legalities, emotional stress can be reduced.
Separation or divorce counselling will give you a space to talk about your children’s best interests and enable you and your partner to plan ways to deal with the situation.
Many couples who are separating argue for one reason or another. It could be over belongings, children or money. If this resonates with you and your ex-partner, you might want to take a step back and ask yourselves why this is happening. Are any of the following statements true for you?
- If you stop disagreeing, you won’t see each other again.
- Arguing is better than having no contact at all.
- The longer it takes, the better chance there is that your problems will resolve themselves.
- Having your ex in your life is better than having no one at all.
- You are unsure how to truly finish things.
If so, discussing this with a counsellor or psychotherapist can give you another perspective on why you are contributing to these arguments. This will enable you to address these feelings and eventually move on.
Acceptance issues that arise from separation and divorce are quite prevalent. It’s a difficult task, but you need to think of a way that you and your ex-partner can accept what’s happening with the intention of moving forward.
Acceptance is the very first stage of moving on. It says that there’s no going back, that you won’t be a loving, intimate couple again, and that your relationship is really over.
It can give you both a great sense of relief. With the help of a counsellor you can address these feelings in a controlled space with the intention of moving on.
Starting a new journey
The end of your relationship offers a new beginning. It can take a while, but you will find the motivation to start a new journey. You could seek counselling to help you with the following:
- Looking for new, long-term happiness.
- Gaining a positive mindset for the future.
- Becoming courageous in new endeavors.
A separation or divorce counsellor can help you through this tough time, with the aim of securing your long-term happiness.